It's 5/15 today. That date still fills me with a little bit of dread because it's a reminder of the day they found the huge mass in my chest. It's not like the past taunting me, but maybe a reminder to not take life for granted, to get movement in, to think about how I'm treating my body.
I started this blog for me, to make sense of all the emotions, and to let my friends and loved ones in if they wanted to know what was going on. I also started it for the strangers that search the web looking for hope after getting a diagnosis that turns their life upside down.
This is Joelle 2.0, 13 years later. I happily color my greys and get fake lashes to not feel like I look bald. The cognitive issues are a thing of the past, or something I've learned to give myself grace for. The peripheral neuropathy didn't go away and my right arm hurts often, but that got better after PT. If you have excruciating pain on the same arm as your port was in - don't live with it without having people look into what the scar tissue might be doing to your nerves. The taste buds didnt come back - so I focus on umami flavors and go for texture - love some crunch in my food!
I would still sign on the dotted line every day to get the toxic treatment that saved my life. Even on the worst days. Not a day goes by that I don't appreciate what modern medicine did for me and my family, and I will forever be grateful for the scientists and doctors who fought for a cure, for the nurses and doctors that treat this terrible disease every day.
This may be the last post, because I choose to look forward to the future and don't need to remind myself of how strong I had to be anymore. Whatever brought you here, hope you find hope. :)
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